A HOOF IN THE KITCHEN SINK!!

Oh my gosh...

I didn't even want to write this post because it was so...umm...how shall I say, disgusting! 

The other night I went over to Country Man's house. Guess who was there? 

A dead deer!

And Kevin. 

Yup they go hand in hand. 

Okay, so I walk in carrying a tupperware full of leftovers from our private dining experience last Saturday, with Chef Alexis Hernandez from the Food Network.
Boy can that man cook....and boy can he talk.
But that's another story for later.

I'm ready to prepare a feast, so I give a quick hello and head to the kitchen to start cooking. Much to my astonishment, dismay, shock, horror, surprise and bewilderment I see something sticking out of the kitchen sink!
I approach with much trepidation.

And THIS is what I see...
CLOSE YOUR EYES!

OH....MY....GOSH....

Apparently, the men were preparing another kind of feast that I was not ready for: mentally or physically. You've got to warn a girl about these types of endeavors beforehand.

End of story. Enough said. I gotta go!

I am in a public place and can't risk somebody seeing this up on my screen right now.

 XOXO Love, not-quite-there-yet-country-girl

REDNECK LESSON #1: What the heck is jug fishin?

Kevin's midnight Facebook status says it all:

"Pullin an all-nighter out on the lake with Caleb, jug fishin, frog gigging, and plain ol' night fishin." 

That would be Caleb, as in Country Man Caleb. 

Wow...

But, hey its better than seeing a Facebook status that says, 

"Pulling an all-nighter out on the Strip, jug fishin, clubbing and plain old lap dances."

Those are Girlfriends-in-Vegas concerns. 

I don't even want to know what "jug fishing" on the Strip would entail!

Girlfriends-in-Georgia worry about whether their man will:

1. Get eaten by a lake creature or gator

2. Get torn up by mosquitos or get a fishing hook to the eye

3. Overdose on Mountain Dew

4.  Capsize his homemade boat

or 

5. Bring home dinner!

Haha, just kidding on that last one, we aren't cave people. But, they do have a growing collection of frog legs, bass and catfish in the freezer. That will be a blog-worthy event once they decide to fry it all up; I've never tried any of those things...the frog legs and ugly-faced catfish are especially eerie to me. But, apparently this year has been all about trying new things, so catfish face - here I come.

Girlfriends-in-Georgia also have to be really excited about receiving pictures like these at 4am...

Me: "Wow babe, good work! Way to go! Nice catch! Looking good in that headlamp"

"Good catch! Can't wait to sink my teeth into that lil' critter!"

"Don't worry sweetie, I won't judge a man by the size of his bass!
Or by the size of his truck."
Kevin must be trying to compensate for something...
Good work gentlemen!

And jug fishing...well, its just what it sounds like!
1. Tie the line, hook and bait to an old milk jug
 2. Toss the jug in the lake
3. Continue your usual rod and reel fishing or "frogging" or whatever the heck else you are doing
4. Get really excited when you see the jug start to bob under water
5. Chase said jug all over the lake
6. Yank that sucker up and pose with your prize, (you must be in a tank top or shirtless).
7. Text pictures of prize to all of your friends
8. Beat the catfish on the side of the head with a large stick to ensure its death (PETA hates you)
9. Skin it, clean it
10. Eat it
Yeehaw!
That was your Redneck Lesson #1
 You can learn more about catfishing at other credible sources such as:
www.learntocatchcatfish.com/

*Note: Just because they are listed on my blog does not mean I endorse them or the people on there in any way, shape or form.

Although, Karen, I may have found you a prospect! 

You said you wanted a country man and Southern gentleman!

STICK A FLAG IN IT!

The other night I was on the phone with my friend Karen, who lives in Orange County, CA and works as a chef at Whole Foods. She needs to come visit me! I know she would love this country life and these charming Southern gentlemen. But, we will come back to that later. Karen and I were on the phone while I was getting ready to go out with Country Man and 2 other couples for dinner. She asked where we were going, and I told her, "a restaurant called Marlows Tavern" and she said,

"Yeehaw! Is that one of 'dem there country saloon-type taverns!"

I laughed and told her, 

"Karen, NO, we aren't all hicks around here. 

We do actually have normal restaurants with normal food." 

I'd had a momentary brain-lapse forgetting where I was, and not realizing that "normal food" in the California-sense of the word is different from "normal food" here in Georgia. See: "Stick a Beer up the Chicken's Butt" for example. I was still suffering from my brain lapse regarding "normal food" until I opened the menu and saw everything fried, with grits, with a biscuit, extra buttery, specialty sweet iced tea, potatoes and corn galore. I laughed out loud at the selection: pointing out items like "shrimp & grits" and "fried chicken stack" and "loaded corn on the cob".

One of the couple's I had never met before looked confused by my reaction, so Country Man explained where I was from and directed them to my blog. The next statement is always, "Oh my gosh, I love California! And Vegas! I've never been to Vegas. People actually live there? That sounds so fun! Why would you leave and move to Georgia!?!" I'm working on a "Why I left" blog post, it is coming soon. But, its a long and complicated story needing delicate treatment. People here in Georgia seem to love their Southern roots and country-ways, but they don't expect anyone else to love it....hence the reaction I usually get, "why would you leave?"

But, you know what people - I love it too! It is in adventure and such a nice change of pace.

That was a tangent - why do I always seem to do that. I blame my mother for my lack of "staying on topic" skills. Back to the restaurant. Back to the menu. 

I went half California-half Georgia by ordering fish tacos with a side of jalapeño grits. Yum! 

Who would have thought to put grits as a side with fish taco. Only in the South, my dear. Of course, I thought the fish tacos could have used some avocado, but aside from that, it was delicious. 

Country Man opted for something called "The Kitchen Sink," i.e: everything in the kitchen thrown on top of one burger. It was scary!

But of course, oh so good!

I've never been a food picture-taker until recently, and I have to tell you that it still feels a little awkward to me. I'm like, "WAIT! Don't take a bite yet. Wait! Angle it this way. Your burger is such a beautiful model. oh yeah, baby. work it french fries. Wait! The lighting isn't right!" Okay I'm not that annoying yet, but these are baby steps in the blogging world, I don't doubt that I will get there eventually. 

Right now I try to snap it as quickly and discreetly as I can without looking like a tourist from China. But, when this little beauty came out, I had to snap snap snap away - I don't care that I literally just met you TJ, let me take pictures of your food!! So y'all think I'm weird?

Well, stick a flag in it!

Note: it is NOT the 4th of July

This is just how we roll in these parts..

at our "normal food" restaurant in the South.