A HOOF IN THE KITCHEN SINK!!

Oh my gosh...

I didn't even want to write this post because it was so...umm...how shall I say, disgusting! 

The other night I went over to Country Man's house. Guess who was there? 

A dead deer!

And Kevin. 

Yup they go hand in hand. 

Okay, so I walk in carrying a tupperware full of leftovers from our private dining experience last Saturday, with Chef Alexis Hernandez from the Food Network.
Boy can that man cook....and boy can he talk.
But that's another story for later.

I'm ready to prepare a feast, so I give a quick hello and head to the kitchen to start cooking. Much to my astonishment, dismay, shock, horror, surprise and bewilderment I see something sticking out of the kitchen sink!
I approach with much trepidation.

And THIS is what I see...
CLOSE YOUR EYES!

OH....MY....GOSH....

Apparently, the men were preparing another kind of feast that I was not ready for: mentally or physically. You've got to warn a girl about these types of endeavors beforehand.

End of story. Enough said. I gotta go!

I am in a public place and can't risk somebody seeing this up on my screen right now.

 XOXO Love, not-quite-there-yet-country-girl

REDNECK LESSON #1: What the heck is jug fishin?

Kevin's midnight Facebook status says it all:

"Pullin an all-nighter out on the lake with Caleb, jug fishin, frog gigging, and plain ol' night fishin." 

That would be Caleb, as in Country Man Caleb. 

Wow...

But, hey its better than seeing a Facebook status that says, 

"Pulling an all-nighter out on the Strip, jug fishin, clubbing and plain old lap dances."

Those are Girlfriends-in-Vegas concerns. 

I don't even want to know what "jug fishing" on the Strip would entail!

Girlfriends-in-Georgia worry about whether their man will:

1. Get eaten by a lake creature or gator

2. Get torn up by mosquitos or get a fishing hook to the eye

3. Overdose on Mountain Dew

4.  Capsize his homemade boat

or 

5. Bring home dinner!

Haha, just kidding on that last one, we aren't cave people. But, they do have a growing collection of frog legs, bass and catfish in the freezer. That will be a blog-worthy event once they decide to fry it all up; I've never tried any of those things...the frog legs and ugly-faced catfish are especially eerie to me. But, apparently this year has been all about trying new things, so catfish face - here I come.

Girlfriends-in-Georgia also have to be really excited about receiving pictures like these at 4am...

Me: "Wow babe, good work! Way to go! Nice catch! Looking good in that headlamp"

"Good catch! Can't wait to sink my teeth into that lil' critter!"

"Don't worry sweetie, I won't judge a man by the size of his bass!
Or by the size of his truck."
Kevin must be trying to compensate for something...
Good work gentlemen!

And jug fishing...well, its just what it sounds like!
1. Tie the line, hook and bait to an old milk jug
 2. Toss the jug in the lake
3. Continue your usual rod and reel fishing or "frogging" or whatever the heck else you are doing
4. Get really excited when you see the jug start to bob under water
5. Chase said jug all over the lake
6. Yank that sucker up and pose with your prize, (you must be in a tank top or shirtless).
7. Text pictures of prize to all of your friends
8. Beat the catfish on the side of the head with a large stick to ensure its death (PETA hates you)
9. Skin it, clean it
10. Eat it
Yeehaw!
That was your Redneck Lesson #1
 You can learn more about catfishing at other credible sources such as:
www.learntocatchcatfish.com/

*Note: Just because they are listed on my blog does not mean I endorse them or the people on there in any way, shape or form.

Although, Karen, I may have found you a prospect! 

You said you wanted a country man and Southern gentleman!

STICK A FLAG IN IT!

The other night I was on the phone with my friend Karen, who lives in Orange County, CA and works as a chef at Whole Foods. She needs to come visit me! I know she would love this country life and these charming Southern gentlemen. But, we will come back to that later. Karen and I were on the phone while I was getting ready to go out with Country Man and 2 other couples for dinner. She asked where we were going, and I told her, "a restaurant called Marlows Tavern" and she said,

"Yeehaw! Is that one of 'dem there country saloon-type taverns!"

I laughed and told her, 

"Karen, NO, we aren't all hicks around here. 

We do actually have normal restaurants with normal food." 

I'd had a momentary brain-lapse forgetting where I was, and not realizing that "normal food" in the California-sense of the word is different from "normal food" here in Georgia. See: "Stick a Beer up the Chicken's Butt" for example. I was still suffering from my brain lapse regarding "normal food" until I opened the menu and saw everything fried, with grits, with a biscuit, extra buttery, specialty sweet iced tea, potatoes and corn galore. I laughed out loud at the selection: pointing out items like "shrimp & grits" and "fried chicken stack" and "loaded corn on the cob".

One of the couple's I had never met before looked confused by my reaction, so Country Man explained where I was from and directed them to my blog. The next statement is always, "Oh my gosh, I love California! And Vegas! I've never been to Vegas. People actually live there? That sounds so fun! Why would you leave and move to Georgia!?!" I'm working on a "Why I left" blog post, it is coming soon. But, its a long and complicated story needing delicate treatment. People here in Georgia seem to love their Southern roots and country-ways, but they don't expect anyone else to love it....hence the reaction I usually get, "why would you leave?"

But, you know what people - I love it too! It is in adventure and such a nice change of pace.

That was a tangent - why do I always seem to do that. I blame my mother for my lack of "staying on topic" skills. Back to the restaurant. Back to the menu. 

I went half California-half Georgia by ordering fish tacos with a side of jalapeño grits. Yum! 

Who would have thought to put grits as a side with fish taco. Only in the South, my dear. Of course, I thought the fish tacos could have used some avocado, but aside from that, it was delicious. 

Country Man opted for something called "The Kitchen Sink," i.e: everything in the kitchen thrown on top of one burger. It was scary!

But of course, oh so good!

I've never been a food picture-taker until recently, and I have to tell you that it still feels a little awkward to me. I'm like, "WAIT! Don't take a bite yet. Wait! Angle it this way. Your burger is such a beautiful model. oh yeah, baby. work it french fries. Wait! The lighting isn't right!" Okay I'm not that annoying yet, but these are baby steps in the blogging world, I don't doubt that I will get there eventually. 

Right now I try to snap it as quickly and discreetly as I can without looking like a tourist from China. But, when this little beauty came out, I had to snap snap snap away - I don't care that I literally just met you TJ, let me take pictures of your food!! So y'all think I'm weird?

Well, stick a flag in it!

Note: it is NOT the 4th of July

This is just how we roll in these parts..

at our "normal food" restaurant in the South.

GET YOUR BUTT UP AND RUN

Recently a friend of mine expressed that she is feeling unmotivated to workout and eat healthy. We've all been there! I decided to help her out because I'm OH SO GREAT at working out all the time. NOT! Mainly, because I'm at a stage where I could use the motivation myself and we can help hold each other accountable. It is a win-wine situation. haha, did I really just type that?! freudian slip. I wish it was a "win wine" situation, I'd workout everyday of my life!

Anyway, you know what I mean. It is a lot harder to hit snooze and say, "meh, I'll start working out tomorrow," when you have a friend patiently waiting for you at the park. So, a couple times a week we will try to walk or run or go to the gym together. Remember me griping about paying $22 per gym visit, well no longer my friends. I've now knocked it down to 20 bucks an hour. Unfortunately though, my friend texted me this morning saying she had a massive headache. Fine, I'll let it slide this time ;) I debated rolling back over and sleeping for another 45 minutes, but since I was already awake I went for it.

Strap on those Nikes!

And I'm so glad that I did. I need to run at 6:45 in the morning more often. Okay, maybe not too often, because I'm an infant and need 9+ hours of sleep in a day. But, it was so nice outside. This was before it started feeling like a sauna and Country Man was texting me about his butt-sweat.
how romantic.

I actually got to see what a sunrise looks like, its been a long time. 

My conclusion: it looks like a sunset. Yet beautiful nonetheless.

The little lake around my house is a 2.2 mile loop, 

and I was having one of those days where I felt like I could run forever. And by forever I mean twice. 4.4 miles to be exact

Do you ever feel like that? It doesn't happen too often, so when it does I usually try to embrace it, but time didn't allow for it today. 

Maybe it was the tranquility of the lake... or maybe it was Pitbull yelling in my ear, but I was on fire and felt so happy. Is that an oxymoron? Listening to Pitbull while looking out at a tranquil, peaceful lake? I actually took the headphones off for awhile to listen to the sounds of nature. But then I had to drown out my own heavy breathing again, this time with Rihanna. What a way to start the day. Now the question is: will I actually do it again tomorrow? The ducks will be waiting. Well, I hope not, because I might want to sleep in....

Little Mulberry Park: the lake by my house

What motivates you to get up early and workout? Or just to workout in general, at any time? 

workout buddies?

a certain song or playlist?

the view during a nice run?

swimsuit season?

the hottie at the gym?

I'd like to know. And I need more songs to add to my "Run Faster!" playlist. It actually used to say, "Time to Workout you Fat Lard" but I decided self-deprecation wasn't the best form of motivation. Now I promote playlists that say, 

"Ryan Gosling thinks you're sexy and Justin Timberlake likes your moves!"

Have a splendid Wednesday evening!

Earl the Weenie is. He says what's up. 

xoxo

FISHIN WITH A SHOVEL

A few days ago, as I was updating you on my rendezvous with Tim and Kenny (yes, we are on a first name basis now) I mentioned that I was late to meet Country Man and Friend down at the lake for some fishing. Now, Caleb (who is Country Man for you newbies or slowies) has spent a bit of time making a little paddle boat he got for free (I suspect free = side of the road for trash pickup) floatable. Considering there have been recent leech attacks at the little lake by his house, he better make sure that thing floats! And leeches do attack...just like spiders and snakes and ants and flies and butterflies and kittens.

I knew this boat was...errr, umm...special! But, I had no idea just how special it was indeed. After clamoring through the overgrown shrubbery in sandals, while freaking out about leeches and butterflies along the way, I spotted them! And this is what I saw...

Hulk Smash!

Note the lack of paddles or an oar, and the presence of...a shovel?!? Yes, they were shoveling and fishing their way to me! In that beauty of a boat! If you've never had a man shovel through swamp water to scoop you off the overgrown banks, then you are missing out my dear. I was starry-eyed and amazed and laughing and....I had to use the ladies room. I shouldn't have had so much iced tea & lemonade before I left!
Boys being boys suggested I pop a squat in the leech-zone. Umm...helllloooo?? would you risk a leech being anywhere around there?!? There were porta-potties up where we parked our cars, so I had Country Man test them out first. He came back with this!! OUUUUUCCCCHH!!!

oooh looks painful!

He came back from the porta-potties with this giant wasp sting on his back. I felt really bad for him and did girlfriend-duties by trying to be sympathetic, but I couldn't help from laughing. He said, 

"Well I'm sure glad those kids weren't up there anymore, that would have been a sight. I came bursting and stumbling out of the porta-potty door with my pants around my ankles, everything hanging out, yelping and swatting at my back."

Why oh why wasn't I there to witness this?!?

So, after much deliberation between squatting somewhere in here..... 

...amongst the leeches and hillbillies and butterflies, I opted for the porta-potty - but only after taking notes on the fact that the wasp was in the left one, NOT the right. It is only in dire circumstances like this when I really fine-tune those listening skills. But, was I still nervous? Of course! 

And did I forget which one the wasp was in? Of course! 

Wouldn't you, if you saw him standing in front of the door?

I chased the stork away and tenderly opened the door on the right side, leaving it open for about 3 minutes to let any wasps escape, while keeping my eyes peeled for other predators. That is probably the fastest I've ever been in and out of a bathroom. I ran back down to the boys and exclaimed that I saw a stork using the toilet, but did not get stung by a wasp! 

Country Man thinks my stork was a heron. Stork. Heron. Crane. Whats the difference? I just googled the difference...and I still don't understand. 

(nice flag hat there patriot)

And I digress, back to this beauty of a boat! 

oh oops, sorry...I got distracted, once again.

Seriously, now, lets be serious.

I want you to tell me how many country, hillbilly, hickish things you see in the picture below. Don't worry, I'll give you the answers, because I know there are some of you who might consider it "normal" and not in the slightest bit "country"

Im giving you time to assess the situation. 

Here is another angle for ya 

So what did you find. I'm hoping you found at least 5 "hickish" things in this picture. 

Here are the answers:

So there you have it.

And that wasn't even everything. You can see the really nice anchor in the previous picture, i.e: a piece of rope tied to a brick :)

But, Kristin and I braved those irky, muddy, stinky waters; grabbed the shovel and went to it. Its not so bad out there once you lower that brick, relish in the sunshine and cast a line.

So guess what! We had a great day! 

And I liked sitting in my Country Man's little boat. Think of it like a boutique hotel - trendy, tiny, and shabby-chic. 

haha! I'm sure he likes me describing his fishing boat as shabby-chic. 

My form is not amazing, to say the least. 

And no, I didn't even catch anything that day....

...but I bet he did. 

And no, I didn't take that picture, I looked it up online to practice my angling techniques. 

What do ya' know... I am Turning Country after all!!

I DID... TIM MCGRAW AND KENNY CHESNEY

Yup, you read that right. 

Tim McGraw was wearing very white and very very very tight pants, reminiscent of 1985, with black cowboy boots. Kenny Chesney sweat...A LOT! like literally dripping everywhere.

Okay, fiiiiine! I didn't actually DO them. You sickos, what were you thinking. I DID however, see them in concert at the Georgia Dome. My very first country concert, and 

oh boy, were there some characters.

Check out this hairstyle! I wonder if he looks in the mirror everyday and says, "Yes, this is exactly the look I am going for. I look dannnng sexy today!" Perfect bangs for swaying to, "Where the Green Grass Grows"

CAPTION CONTEST!

What do you think this guy is thinking? 

Leave your captions in the comment section

Not a bad view for our FREE tickets! woot woot!

Country Man knew every word to almost every song!

I on the other hand, was just trying to fit in by wearing cowgirl boots and drinking Bud Light while belting out one-liners...

"TRACTOR!"

"BEER!"

"MEXICO!"

"COWBOY!"

"TRUCK!"

"DIRT!"

"BOOTS!"

"FISHING!"

"I HAVE TERRETS!"

Shameless Ladeezy (who I LOVE) practiced her own version of "turning country" or redneck or Jersey Shore...or something...by fist-pumping to the entire song, "Truck Yeah!" while simultaneously yelling,

 "Truck Yeah!"

Yes...there is a song called "Truck Yeah".... no comment

Aren't we so pretty? Like mother, like daughter. 

Truck Yeah!

Actually, pretty glad I was up in the stadium for this part while Kenny Chesney decided to douse his fans with sweat by swinging over the crowd. I later saw a girl post on Twitter, "Oh my God, so hot, Kenny Chesney is sweating all over me!"

BLECH! 

Sorry girl, get a hobby.

We can actually be normal sometimes....

This was a good experience for my first country concert. I'm adapting more and more to the culture here by the minute. Crazy and scary...kinda. But, definitely an adventure, and a lot of fun! 'm actually late to meet Country Man on the lake for some fishing right now. More posts and pics to follow!

TRUCK YEAH!!!!

ps: don't forget the caption contest ;)