COUNTRY MAN MOVED!

Country Man helps contribute to probably about 90% of my country-ness; just by being around him I'm automatically immersed in Southern activities. So, now that he has moved almost three hours away I'm going to have to rely on my own country instincts...this could get interesting.
Luckily I will be talking to him everyday and visiting as much as possible - so don't worry, lessons in Redneck will still be in abundance.

The day before he moved we spent some time together and I suggested that we go fishing. ME, I, suggested it! Aren't you proud? I figured it would be very fitting and also probably make him think I was the coolest girlfriend in the world for suggesting it. And I am of course! just kidding. Okay, occasionally maybe. So we strolled on down to the little pond by my house. 

I lie. 

We did not stroll.

We drove 400 feet and parked right in front of the no-parking at anytime sign.

Hey we followed the rules of resident + one guest. That's a start!

And at least we didn't park directly on the sidewalk. We are so well-behaved!

Onward to the pond!

It is a cute little pond, but I made the mistake of wearing flip flops. Very un-country of me. It had just rained and every step I took I sank into some kind of gushy muddy grassy buggy muck.

I think Country Man and I are past that phase where I pretend that I'm not grossed out by anything, can totally hang in any situation, love dirt and bugs, never complain and am pretty much an all-around badass. 

C'mon guys, you know what phase Im talking about! I'm not the only one who does it! 

Regardless, I can still grab a fishing pole, step in some dirt and throw back a beer...so its not all that bad to care about my pedicure once in awhile. Right? Justification always helps.

So, I carried on with my bright pink fishing pole and went to it.

This is where things start to get reallllly interesting! 

First I took pictures of us...

Then I drew a heart on Caleb's hand...

Then I took a picture of him walking...

Then I took a picture of a flower-plant-thing....

Then there were geese...

Okay I lied again. This was a different day, when I was on a run. I just didn't have an opportunity to show you my geese-friends yet. Now you see. Are you excited yet?

Then I took a picture of some nasty trash in the pond...

THEN...

we caught nothing....

Maybe I was too distracted by flowers and hearts and geese and unicorns.

Its okay though because it was about 90 degrees and 100% humidity, and I'm allowed to say that because I'm out of the "no complaining, hang with everything" phase :)

Don't you love it?!

XOXO

PS: yesterday Country Man told me he washed his hair with dish soap....

STICK A FLAG IN IT!

The other night I was on the phone with my friend Karen, who lives in Orange County, CA and works as a chef at Whole Foods. She needs to come visit me! I know she would love this country life and these charming Southern gentlemen. But, we will come back to that later. Karen and I were on the phone while I was getting ready to go out with Country Man and 2 other couples for dinner. She asked where we were going, and I told her, "a restaurant called Marlows Tavern" and she said,

"Yeehaw! Is that one of 'dem there country saloon-type taverns!"

I laughed and told her, 

"Karen, NO, we aren't all hicks around here. 

We do actually have normal restaurants with normal food." 

I'd had a momentary brain-lapse forgetting where I was, and not realizing that "normal food" in the California-sense of the word is different from "normal food" here in Georgia. See: "Stick a Beer up the Chicken's Butt" for example. I was still suffering from my brain lapse regarding "normal food" until I opened the menu and saw everything fried, with grits, with a biscuit, extra buttery, specialty sweet iced tea, potatoes and corn galore. I laughed out loud at the selection: pointing out items like "shrimp & grits" and "fried chicken stack" and "loaded corn on the cob".

One of the couple's I had never met before looked confused by my reaction, so Country Man explained where I was from and directed them to my blog. The next statement is always, "Oh my gosh, I love California! And Vegas! I've never been to Vegas. People actually live there? That sounds so fun! Why would you leave and move to Georgia!?!" I'm working on a "Why I left" blog post, it is coming soon. But, its a long and complicated story needing delicate treatment. People here in Georgia seem to love their Southern roots and country-ways, but they don't expect anyone else to love it....hence the reaction I usually get, "why would you leave?"

But, you know what people - I love it too! It is in adventure and such a nice change of pace.

That was a tangent - why do I always seem to do that. I blame my mother for my lack of "staying on topic" skills. Back to the restaurant. Back to the menu. 

I went half California-half Georgia by ordering fish tacos with a side of jalapeño grits. Yum! 

Who would have thought to put grits as a side with fish taco. Only in the South, my dear. Of course, I thought the fish tacos could have used some avocado, but aside from that, it was delicious. 

Country Man opted for something called "The Kitchen Sink," i.e: everything in the kitchen thrown on top of one burger. It was scary!

But of course, oh so good!

I've never been a food picture-taker until recently, and I have to tell you that it still feels a little awkward to me. I'm like, "WAIT! Don't take a bite yet. Wait! Angle it this way. Your burger is such a beautiful model. oh yeah, baby. work it french fries. Wait! The lighting isn't right!" Okay I'm not that annoying yet, but these are baby steps in the blogging world, I don't doubt that I will get there eventually. 

Right now I try to snap it as quickly and discreetly as I can without looking like a tourist from China. But, when this little beauty came out, I had to snap snap snap away - I don't care that I literally just met you TJ, let me take pictures of your food!! So y'all think I'm weird?

Well, stick a flag in it!

Note: it is NOT the 4th of July

This is just how we roll in these parts..

at our "normal food" restaurant in the South.

FISHIN WITH A SHOVEL

A few days ago, as I was updating you on my rendezvous with Tim and Kenny (yes, we are on a first name basis now) I mentioned that I was late to meet Country Man and Friend down at the lake for some fishing. Now, Caleb (who is Country Man for you newbies or slowies) has spent a bit of time making a little paddle boat he got for free (I suspect free = side of the road for trash pickup) floatable. Considering there have been recent leech attacks at the little lake by his house, he better make sure that thing floats! And leeches do attack...just like spiders and snakes and ants and flies and butterflies and kittens.

I knew this boat was...errr, umm...special! But, I had no idea just how special it was indeed. After clamoring through the overgrown shrubbery in sandals, while freaking out about leeches and butterflies along the way, I spotted them! And this is what I saw...

Hulk Smash!

Note the lack of paddles or an oar, and the presence of...a shovel?!? Yes, they were shoveling and fishing their way to me! In that beauty of a boat! If you've never had a man shovel through swamp water to scoop you off the overgrown banks, then you are missing out my dear. I was starry-eyed and amazed and laughing and....I had to use the ladies room. I shouldn't have had so much iced tea & lemonade before I left!
Boys being boys suggested I pop a squat in the leech-zone. Umm...helllloooo?? would you risk a leech being anywhere around there?!? There were porta-potties up where we parked our cars, so I had Country Man test them out first. He came back with this!! OUUUUUCCCCHH!!!

oooh looks painful!

He came back from the porta-potties with this giant wasp sting on his back. I felt really bad for him and did girlfriend-duties by trying to be sympathetic, but I couldn't help from laughing. He said, 

"Well I'm sure glad those kids weren't up there anymore, that would have been a sight. I came bursting and stumbling out of the porta-potty door with my pants around my ankles, everything hanging out, yelping and swatting at my back."

Why oh why wasn't I there to witness this?!?

So, after much deliberation between squatting somewhere in here..... 

...amongst the leeches and hillbillies and butterflies, I opted for the porta-potty - but only after taking notes on the fact that the wasp was in the left one, NOT the right. It is only in dire circumstances like this when I really fine-tune those listening skills. But, was I still nervous? Of course! 

And did I forget which one the wasp was in? Of course! 

Wouldn't you, if you saw him standing in front of the door?

I chased the stork away and tenderly opened the door on the right side, leaving it open for about 3 minutes to let any wasps escape, while keeping my eyes peeled for other predators. That is probably the fastest I've ever been in and out of a bathroom. I ran back down to the boys and exclaimed that I saw a stork using the toilet, but did not get stung by a wasp! 

Country Man thinks my stork was a heron. Stork. Heron. Crane. Whats the difference? I just googled the difference...and I still don't understand. 

(nice flag hat there patriot)

And I digress, back to this beauty of a boat! 

oh oops, sorry...I got distracted, once again.

Seriously, now, lets be serious.

I want you to tell me how many country, hillbilly, hickish things you see in the picture below. Don't worry, I'll give you the answers, because I know there are some of you who might consider it "normal" and not in the slightest bit "country"

Im giving you time to assess the situation. 

Here is another angle for ya 

So what did you find. I'm hoping you found at least 5 "hickish" things in this picture. 

Here are the answers:

So there you have it.

And that wasn't even everything. You can see the really nice anchor in the previous picture, i.e: a piece of rope tied to a brick :)

But, Kristin and I braved those irky, muddy, stinky waters; grabbed the shovel and went to it. Its not so bad out there once you lower that brick, relish in the sunshine and cast a line.

So guess what! We had a great day! 

And I liked sitting in my Country Man's little boat. Think of it like a boutique hotel - trendy, tiny, and shabby-chic. 

haha! I'm sure he likes me describing his fishing boat as shabby-chic. 

My form is not amazing, to say the least. 

And no, I didn't even catch anything that day....

...but I bet he did. 

And no, I didn't take that picture, I looked it up online to practice my angling techniques. 

What do ya' know... I am Turning Country after all!!

I DID... TIM MCGRAW AND KENNY CHESNEY

Yup, you read that right. 

Tim McGraw was wearing very white and very very very tight pants, reminiscent of 1985, with black cowboy boots. Kenny Chesney sweat...A LOT! like literally dripping everywhere.

Okay, fiiiiine! I didn't actually DO them. You sickos, what were you thinking. I DID however, see them in concert at the Georgia Dome. My very first country concert, and 

oh boy, were there some characters.

Check out this hairstyle! I wonder if he looks in the mirror everyday and says, "Yes, this is exactly the look I am going for. I look dannnng sexy today!" Perfect bangs for swaying to, "Where the Green Grass Grows"

CAPTION CONTEST!

What do you think this guy is thinking? 

Leave your captions in the comment section

Not a bad view for our FREE tickets! woot woot!

Country Man knew every word to almost every song!

I on the other hand, was just trying to fit in by wearing cowgirl boots and drinking Bud Light while belting out one-liners...

"TRACTOR!"

"BEER!"

"MEXICO!"

"COWBOY!"

"TRUCK!"

"DIRT!"

"BOOTS!"

"FISHING!"

"I HAVE TERRETS!"

Shameless Ladeezy (who I LOVE) practiced her own version of "turning country" or redneck or Jersey Shore...or something...by fist-pumping to the entire song, "Truck Yeah!" while simultaneously yelling,

 "Truck Yeah!"

Yes...there is a song called "Truck Yeah".... no comment

Aren't we so pretty? Like mother, like daughter. 

Truck Yeah!

Actually, pretty glad I was up in the stadium for this part while Kenny Chesney decided to douse his fans with sweat by swinging over the crowd. I later saw a girl post on Twitter, "Oh my God, so hot, Kenny Chesney is sweating all over me!"

BLECH! 

Sorry girl, get a hobby.

We can actually be normal sometimes....

This was a good experience for my first country concert. I'm adapting more and more to the culture here by the minute. Crazy and scary...kinda. But, definitely an adventure, and a lot of fun! 'm actually late to meet Country Man on the lake for some fishing right now. More posts and pics to follow!

TRUCK YEAH!!!!

ps: don't forget the caption contest ;)

I SAID Y'ALL!!!

I said y'all and didn't even realize it! And at a business meeting! That is NOT good. I was on the phone with a client of ours in California yesterday to follow up on a meeting we had here in Atlanta last week. I mentioned that I used to live in San Francisco and he asked how I was adapting to life in Georgia. I told him it was a lot of fun, but that I don't think I can consider myself a Southerner yet.

He said, "I think you can. You said y'all at the end of the meeting."

EEEK!! I did WHAT?!?!? Oh my....

I said, "No way, you are joking, I would never ever say that!"

He said, "Yes, after the meeting at the Marriott, when we were heading back to your office you looked at the group and said, "Do y'all need a ride back to the office?"

Embarrassing..... Can I still be in denial?

I guess now I have a unique and combined California Beach Town, Las Vegas Valley girl, Country Hick accent going on. I'm sure I sound pretty special. My Communication Studies Professors would be so proud right now at my linguistic adaptation and skills.

HOW MUCH YOU WANNA BET THEY SAY "Y'ALL"?
This picture cracks me up, I took it a few weeks ago in Alabama

MY MOM FORCES ME INTO AWKWARD POSES FOR "BLOG PICTURES". THIS WAS POST-MARGARITAS, OKAY, DON'T LAUGH

Thought I'd introduce you to Country Man aka Caleb (gasp...he has a name!) He is 98.9% to blame for all of this!

THE COUNTRY THING I DID NOT

Over the weekend my country man and I ventured into the big city - yup, that would be HOTlanta for those of you who are new to my story. We had some very big-city-esque errands to run, including: a visit to pick up some miscellaneous items I left at the W Hotel Buckhead a few weeks ago and a Groupon to use on running gear at the New Balance store. A special thank you to Country Man for being ever so patient while we waited an hour in the hotel lobby for my “miscellaneous items” to be recovered and while I tried on 85 sports bras in the New Balance store with hopes that I could counteract the effects of gravity + running. After these tiring errands we were starving, and stumbled upon an outdoor patio with live music serving an exhaustive menu of burgers galore. Perfect.

Being the country man he is, the “Southern burger” complete with fried green tomatoes and a Yuengling draft beer was hastily ordered. Meanwhile Ms. Country Thang on the other end of the table (yes I would be referring to myself), ordered the “Earth burger” made from edamame beans complete with a carrot, radish and tomato salad; and a spicy bloody mary to boot.

Country man quickly deemed this as un-bloggworthy and decided I’d officially taken a step backwards in “turning country”. I, of course, took my step backwards to the next level and might as well have been drowning in the Pacific Ocean. Decked out in my Rainbow sandals, Anthropologie tank and Seven jeans, I announced how harmoniously balanced I felt with the earth and how I was like totally in sync with Mother Nature and the waves of life, dude, it was rad.

Amused, but probably turned off, Country Man took a big bite of the Earth burger and decided good old cow burger tasted a helluva lot better.

Sshhh…….but i agree. Sorry madre natura!

are burgers supposed to be green?

Which one would you order: Southern burger or Earth burger?

THE COUNTRY THING I DID

In the spirit of being a full-blown Southerner now, (and by full-blown I mean obtaining a Georgia ID, a Georgia license plate, a pair of cowgirl boots, a country man, downloading at least two Jason Aldean songs and catching my first bass); I will try to do at least “one country thing” per day (and/or week) to try and further mesh with my co-people.

So, The Country Thing I Did, dun dun dun… IS, Put FAR TOO MUCH butter on my toast. Oh the madness and suspense, I’m sure my audience is enraptured! What will I do next????

"I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!"

Ha, just hang tight my lovely west-coasters and city-dwellers, that is not all I have to offer down here. We are full of surprises here in the Dirty South.